Why????

OK...before I start this next post, I wanted to clarify a few things from my "rug burn" post last week. I first want to say that I love our daycare!!! They have bent over backwards (and done somersaults as well) to accommodate our family and our many, many needs! That is what individualized care is all about at our daycare...and they truly stand behind that! Oh yeah, I still need to blog about our meeting last week. I will do it...I promise! The rug burn incident was an unfortunate event in my very long and hellish week with my husband gone! I have spoken to daycare and we have both shared our thoughts and feelings about the incident...and I am OK with things! Just don't want folks to think we have a terrible daycare! I don't know what I would do without them right now!

OK...so thoughts for today aren't very inspirational. As a matter of fact, I really really need some encouragement and lots of hugs at the moment!

Why is it that life serves you up a bowl of mush when what you really really wanted was a bowl of cherries (or ice cream for that matter!)??? I am feeling like a "cup half empty" kinda gal this morning. I feel bad because I really think of myself as an optimistic person, but when life keeps throwing mush at me...my attitude changes and I just can't do it!

So, Monday of this week Carson had a super rough day at daycare. He was apparently running around the classroom and climbing on top of the tables! The teachers were honestly fearful of what he was going to do to the other kids. I was told that he spent more time out of the classroom than in the classroom! And...to top it off, our plan of having an extra staff person in his classroom (to help with Carson) fell through because of a teacher having a family emergency. I got a call from daycare telling me what he was doing and I just felt my heart sinking further into my abdomen. I don't know what to tell them to do to help Carson anymore! I'm flat out of ideas and am running low on optimism as well!

When you take a deep breath and step back to look at the BIG picture...I saw a couple of things.
1) One of his regular teachers was missing that day.
2) There was not an extra person to assist Carson with his needs.
3) He was up late the night before (cause he was crying about his foot hurting and needed a band-aid)
4) His last day of his developmental preschool was last week so staying at daycare all day is a change for him.
5) There were new kids being transitioned into his classroom (many he knows, but one particular kido really ramps Carson up very easily)
6) Daddy just got back home from being out of town for two weeks.
7) It was MONDAY! Doesn't everyone have bad days on Monday???
8) He started with the sniffles that morning. Hmm...maybe getting sick?

Hmmm....lots of stuff going on in Carson's world, huh? For a kido who doesn't deal with changes or transitions too well, it's amazing that he handled the day like he did...things COULD get a lot worse, I suppose!

It's days like this that make me wonder if we are doing the 'right thing'. Should I quit my job now (as opposed to waiting for our rental house to sell first)? Should I pull him out of daycare and get a nanny at home for the days that I have to work? I feel so sorry for the teachers in Carson's classroom. I know that they have tough days that they go home in tears...I am sure! Carson is a very challenging kido and he drains all the being out of you to try to work with him. I know this...cause I live this!

In the back of my mind I have this little voice telling me to just keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other...and keep doing 'the plan' that I had already decided on. I keep telling myself that we need this 'documentation period' (of Carson requiring a one-on-one teacher in daycare)...'cause who knows when I will have to pull that card out of hat in the future? Who knows what public schools are going to throw our way...school is going to be challenging for Carson and I want to have our ducks in a row...able to pull those cards out when and if I need them! So, for right now...we are just doing our plan!

Tuesday and Wednesday I kept both boys home from daycare. By Tuesday evening, I knew the boys were not feeling well. They both had the sniffles and were getting grouchier by the minute. So instead of taking the boys to daycare on Wednesday, I arranged to have a babysitter come to the house so I could go to work. It's difficult juggling this life we live. I don't want to burn my bridges at daycare by bringing them a child who I know doesn't feel well. How do you think Carson will act in that situation? BINGO!...yep, he's staying home! I just love double paying for childcare!

So, babysitter comes on Wednesday and I am off to work. Cool...this will work out great! Hmmm...maybe it's too good to be true? Well, after I dropped off the babysitter last night, I discovered that it was way too good to be true! Logan could hardly walk or sit down 'cause his bottom was in bad shape! I pulled his diaper off and discovered that he had a bad red rash all over his little bottom...and there was some dried poo still on his bottom. Hmmm...that's kinda weird! We had already been dealing with a bit of diaper rash already, but how did it get this bad in just 10 hours? Hmmm...I take him to the bath tub to soak his poor little bum...in hopes of getting the poo off without hurting him more than he already hurt. He had to lay on his belly in the bathtub 'cause it hurt too bad to sit on his bottom. I slowly let the warm water just soak it off. I took him to the bedroom and discovered a pair of very wet jeans on the floor (the jeans I had put him in that morning). Oh my, I thought! My heart starts racing and I am about ready to scream with anger!

She said that the boys took a 4 hour nap (thank god...they both really needed that), but what I am thinking now is that Logan most likely had poo in his diaper when he went to bed?? He obviously hadn't been changed prior to nap time or he would not have peed out of diaper that easily. ARGH!!! You mean to tell me that my son's but is scalded from his own poo...'cause my babysitter didn't change his diaper??? I'm fuming...can you tell?

Then I started finding other signs of "babysitter laziness (or neglect?)"
1) The sheets that I asked her to change in Logan's room are still on the kitchen counter where I left them that morning.
2) There is a dining room chair in Logan's room...with Logan's couch turned over.
3) Some of the things that were previously in Logan's room...on the top high shelf in Logan's closet...are now on the floor in Logan's room! Hmm...sounds like Carson figured out how to get them with the dining room chair?
4) My house is a total train wreck...toys all over the place!
5) The back porch is a disaster! Picnic bench turned upside down. Picnic benches also out of place.
6) Blankets, etc., strewn out on the back lawn!
7) A box of fruit Popsicles is GONE! And most of a 1/2 gallon ice cream container is GONE! LOVELY...my kids ate ice cream all day???

I am so angry...I'm not exactly sure what to do! I specifically asked her to pick up the house PRIOR to me coming home! Hmmm...apparently she doesn't listen...just like my kids???

I asked Carson if she played with them and he laughed.

He said "no mommy!"

"What did she do while you guys were playing?"

"She laid on the couch mommy!"

"Did she come check on you when you were playing in Logan's room?"

"Sometimes..."

ARGH!!! I'm going to blow a gasket here! I am so angry, I can't even talk to her right now. Obviously she will no longer be welcome in our home...or be babysitting for us in the future! But, what should I do? Part of me says to walk away. But another part of me says that I should call and talk to her mom to explain my disappointment in her. I am fearful of what could happen with other kids in the future and I would be beside myself if I discovered a child was hurt on her 'watchful duty' and I didn't do anything about it. Should I ask for my money back? Any suggestions would be appreciated. For now, I am just trying to calm down so I can think rationally.

Thankfully, Logan's bottom looked a ton better this morning, but it still is pretty bad! I am so disappointed!

So, then to top off my wonderful day yesterday, I went to take the trash out. We have a large trash can in the garage and every week I take the big bag out of the trash can, put it in the car and truck it down to the end of the street to be picked up by the garbage truck. So, as I pull this bag out, the bag scraps against my leg and I quickly remember that there is broken glass in this bag...as it cuts a HUGE gash in my leg (right above my ankle). OH MY...that hurt! I scream in pain and look down...blood is gushing from my wound! LOVELY!!! Another ER trip? And...Kelly wasn't home...AGAIN! He was at a work dinner thing he had to do last night. I quickly take off my shoe (so it doesn't fill up with blood) and hop into the house to get a towel. It is a pretty deep wound...ARGH!!! I could just kick myself! I knew there was glass in there! Now, why did we put the glass in there?? Note to self...not a good idea in the future!

So, I decide to call Kelly anyway (in hopes that he is close to coming home). SCORE! Is is just blocks from home! At least he can look at it to help me decide if I need to go to the ER. Or better yet...maybe he could stitch it up for me (he was previously a paramedic)??? I really don't want to sit in another ER for the night? I am already feeling a sore throat and nasal stuffiness coming on...I just want to go to bed in hopes of having a better day tomorrow! So, he tells me that I could go to the ER, but they would probably only put 1-2 stitches in. He says, if you don't mind a scar, we could just clean it, wrap it up and wait for a nice scab to form? I could honestly care less about a scar on my leg! I have bigger issues in life than a scar! So, I opted for the bandage! I was very very thankful that he was able to help me with my owie and with the boys!

I go to sit down in the rocker while he gathers up all the stuff needed for my wound. He proceeds to clean it and I am in tears! It hurts!!! ARGH! I have Carson on one side and Logan on the other...and they are watching their mommy cry! Carson immediately grabs my hand and holds it tightly. He gets a little closer to me and tries giving me a hug! What a sweetheart! I ask Logan to grab me a Kleenex for my tears and he cheerfully does as I ask! He also offers me hugs as well. Daddy applies antibiotic ointment and wraps it up nicely! ARGH!!! It still hurts...bad!

We finally get the kids off to bed! I put Logan to bed and have to lay him on his side ('cause his bum hurts too bad to lay on his back!)! Poor guy! Poor mom! Once the boys are settled, I grab some ibuprofen and some Vicodin (thank God for previously prescribed narcotics)!

On another note...I recently discovered that one of my very great college friends has a child on the autistic spectrum! My goodness...this special needs world is getting smaller and smaller! I felt bad that I didn't know about her needs and she felt the same for me. Although Carson and Logan are not on the autistic spectrum, they all share similar sensory needs. In the end, we were so glad that we knew each other and could now help to support each other...through this very rocky road called LIFE!

Oh...one more thing! The house right next door to ours has been vacant for years. There has been intermittent owners, but they sell (or go into bankruptcy) and move out. The house is in horrific shape and really needs someone to buy it, level it to the ground and start over. Well, this past week we have noticed a lot of activity over there. Someone has bought the house and has been working on it. They have also been mowing the huge field beside it (which has grass up to my waist...a huge fire hazard)! Cool...maybe someone is going to do good things with this house? WRONG! Some guy bought it and has promptly rented it out....get this, as "section 8 housing" (low income housing)! Another ARGH!!! This past weekend, they were all there with their music blaring and all their friends over...half blocking the road to our home! It has gotten a few of our neighbors up in arms about the possible problems with having section 8 housing. Luckily, our neighbor on the other side of us is a police officer! Maybe we all have the wrong attitude? Are these guys felons, sexual offenders? Our neighbor is running plates to find out WHO these folks are! Maybe we all have the wrong attitude? I guess I should take the 'cup half full' approach and bake them some cookies and nicely walk over to greet our new neighbors? Well...stay tuned on that one! I'm sure I'll have more to post later!

Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers! Off I go to bed to try to help myself through this nasty cold I now have!