WOW...what a day!

As many of our Thursdays go, we had a lot planned and only a day to do it in! We started off our morning with Logan wandering out to the family room this morning at 3:50am...YEP, you read that right, 3:50am! Mommy made the mistake of giving into Logan's request to shut his door "a wittle bit", which basically means "don't shut my door all the way, mom!" Being tired and wanting to go to bed myself last night, I did as requested! BIG MISTAKE was my response to myself as I heard Logan screaming and running down the hallway to his room. You see, daddy fell asleep on the couch last night and Logan was so happy to greet daddy this bright and early morning. Daddy wasn't so happy about that one! Logan went back to bed for another hour or so, then gets up and decides to go into Carson's room and greet him! Now it is 5am and I decide that "this is it...it's time to get up!" I call Carson and Logan into bed with me and we lay in bed and cuddle a bit longer before we get up to officially start our day!

Both boys have therapy appointments on Thursdays. Our first therapy appointment starts at 8am! Our wonderful speech therapist (ST), Christina, meets us at home to work with Logan on some of his needs. Mom decides that we should be creative this week...since it's such a beautiful day and already very sunny, we decide to take our therapy out to the back porch. Mom has got the paint and shaving cream all ready for a crafty kind of therapy appointment. Both boys are very content and happy with mom's choice. Christina however, isn't so sure of my choice since she is now wearing both paint AND shaving cream...and we are her first appointment of the day! Sorry Christina, guess I should have offered you a paint shirt as well!

Our next appointment is for Carson and it's at 9:30am. We are so very happy to see our favorite occupational therapist (OT), M'liss, since she's been out for a couple of weeks! We were privileged enough to have her come do a home visit to check out what life it like in the George Family! Carson and Logan were very excited to show her their new swings in the playroom! Such fun we have here at our house! We really have a nice morning with the boys, but they do their fair share of meltdowns and show their shining colors by being more than inflexible with sharing, etc., I was on top of it though! Had our clock out and showed Carson what our game plan was for the hour...complete with cleanup and saying our goodbyes. M'liss gave me big pats on the back for doing so many good things for the boys and said that my handling of the boys was "straight out of Nanny 911!" WOW...that felt good! I sure an trying my best to get things in order for the boys, but it's always nice to get compliments that really make me feel good! I am a good mom and I am doing a good job!

After our very busy morning, we go back inside to have a quick snack (Popsicles...yummy) and go potty and it's off to daycare for the boys! We get in the car and 5 minutes doesn't go by before Logan is out cold! Guess that's what happens when you wake up at 3:50am, huh? Both boys are off to their classrooms...Carson gets to play outside AGAIN! and Logan gets lunch and a nap! (what more could a little guy ask for?)

Now I get to meet with Carson's daycare teacher. We've been meeting monthly for the last 3-4 months trying to work through some stuff with Carson. I'm really anticipating a good report from Ms. Helen, since I've really seen some positive changes at home. I'm surprised to hear that "things are status quo." Not what I wanted to hear! Status quo? are you kidding me? So, I sit and listen, and listen, and listen. OK...I can handle this, I'm mom, right?

Last month I offered to have some pictures made for the classroom. We use pictures all the time at home and they have worked wonders for us. They would be placed on the wall to help Carson anticipate what sorts of transitions were coming. The theory behind this is if Caron is prepared ahead of time for what is to come ahead, then he can better handle these transitions when they do come. Unfortunately the pictures aren't working so well for them right now.

"OK" I say, "what about putting the pictures on the clock?" I explain to her how we handle it at home and explain how this has worked wonders for us.

Ms. Helen listens intently to my explanations, runs her hand through her hair, takes a deep breath and then says "I'm not sure I am able to do that here."

You see, there are 20 children in Carson's daycare classroom...and only two teachers. Not great ratios here!

"OK" I say and I listen some more.

"I think I know why the clock pictures work well at your home!"

"Why?"

"Well, at your home, there is only one other child. Here in our classroom, there are 19 other children. Carson is being bombarded by a ton of sensory input and he's not able to filter out 'what he needs to know' versus 'all the distractions!' There is a lot of noise and motion in our classroom and if I look at what it would take to have Carson go from point A to point B to 'look at the clock' and for me to remind Carson about the clock...I'm just adding to the commotion. He can't get from point A to point B without being pulled into something. He's either picking at other kids, other kids are picking at him...he's being bombarded and he can't find his way through the maze!"

WOW...I feel like I am being slapped across the face! "I hear you," I said. "OK...now I'm at a loss for words 'cause I now know that I cannot help you! I have no idea how I can help you with that!" BIG SIGH from me... "I will get you some help though! I have a couple of options and I think I'll have Carson's OT get involved!"

Ms. Helen sits back in her chair and starts to pour her poor little heart out to me. She says that she knows Carson cannot "help what he is doing...he's just trying to navigate his world. This just all feels wrong to me," she says. "I have my hands full with 19 other children and I can't focus JUST on Carson. I try to redirect Carson and have him sit and color (what I suggested to help Carson 'get himself together'), but it just feels wrong. I worry about Carson's experience here at daycare. I worry about whether Carson is learning here. I worry about what he thinks of me as his teacher. I worry...(as she starts to cry)...because I care for Carson and I want to help him succeed! I don't feel like I am doing that..." She says, "there are times that I try to help Carson and his body is...rigid! He's honestly stiff and I can see the distress in his eyes. This can't feel good to Carson..."

BIG SIGH again from me...I start to cry as well...does anyone ever WANT to hear this stuff about their child(ren)? "I'm sorry you have had to go through this," I said. I explained to her our family's future plans of trying to sell our rental home to allow me to quit my job and stay home with the boys. But, despite my best efforts, this doesn't help us right here and now.

It pains me to hear that my little boy is having a hard time! It pains me to not know what to do to help him at school. I can't even imagine what his body must feel like when he gets rigid and can't concentrate. That's got to drive anyone batty!

I told Ms. Helen that "there's never a day that Carson doesn't WANT to be here! Carson LOVES it here. He never says anything bad about his teachers. Oh my goodness, you guys have gone out of your way to accommodate Carson and his needs. I have no idea how to help you right this minute, but I will get you some help! I promise."

She explains that she has talked a lot to her boss and says that they are working on some potential plans to give Carson a one on one teacher in the classroom. I sit there completely stunned at what she is saying. How can they possibly do that? This has HUGE budget implications to provide my son a one on one at daycare. Is that going to be passed onto us? Are we going to be responsible to pay for that? My mind starts going a bit nuts just thinking about the potential ramifications of that comment. "We are committed to Carson," she says. "We want to see him succeed!" Again...mouth drops open...are we still on planet earth here? OMG, we are all trying to do the same thing...WOW! That just says volumes, huh?

I am still trying to process this all. She asked me if I would be OK doing some teaching with any potential teachers that would be Carson's one on one. "Of course", I said, "I'm all over that one!" She said that the intent on having a one on one wasn't to be right next to Carson, but to have Carson be their primary responsibility. When they see Carson 'having a hard time navigating his way through the classroom stimuli', then it would be their responsibility to help Carson.

I'm just completely stunned! I don't even know what to say. As I am typing this post, I am just trying to make sense of this all.

In the back on my mind, I always thought that Carson would be out of special education by the time he was in kindergarten. He does sooo well in his developmental preschool (where they have much less stimuli and a lot more one on one instruction and help). I know we can work through all this, I think I am just being hit with knowing that Carson may be in special education a lot longer than I foresaw. In the end, it really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if Carson needs special education. I just want him to get what he needs to be a successful young man! But, really...what kind of learning is he doing at daycare? I can't imagine he is learning in that environment. It is taking all (and more) of Carson's reserves to just cope with being at daycare...he can't possibly be learning, is he?

Oh, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we navigate our way through getting Carson what he needs to be successful in the school environment! I don't even have the energy to go back through and read this post for edits...off to bed I go! Sleep well...I know I will!